Bardic Extrapolation (Rime of the Ancient Sponge)

Enraptured by the remarkable feast of virtual delights that is Minecraft 1.8,
I composed this (after regaining my composure, of course).

Give Us Sponge or Give Us Something Else

Cookies and Cake are abundant
Minecraft’s culinary delights
But no ice-cream or fondant
Milkshakes, nowhere in sight

The avid hunter of wild game
May now dine on mutton and rabbit
Under the sea is not the same
Fat fish slay squid from habit

Much more was added, this update
Changes most incredible
Rocks and Sponge and iron grate,
But none of it is edible

For the culinary Envoy
Despite putting all the new stuff in,
This update drains the joy
From baking sponge in the Oven

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Sponge makes an excellent shock absorber, as well as soaking up messes.

Collision Averted

Competing developments going astray
Lapis Blue and Foundation preparing for wars
Mutual solutions evolved from the fray
Build the Foundation with Lapis, of course

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I’m pretty sure it’s ‘Rhyme’

‘Rime’ may be a bit archaic, but it’s a real word. For reference,

Rime of the Ancient Mariner - Samuel Taylor Coleridge

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More words, some may contain meaning. Treat with caution. Do not Eat.


Alliterative Literature Illustrated

Ambitious Arrow aimed and absented
Rainbow’s risky redistribution reproached
Hollow Husk haughtily hinted
Sessile Sponge stays safe submerged

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A plethora of words. Blame Connor iCloud, Highlands bard at large (and small).

The Sea of Sponge

Preparing for a strange brew
With an even stranger crew
Watching everything you do
How many eyes in this alchemy?

Each decision calculated
Every step re-evaluated
Contested queried or debated
How many idle hands are free?

If we were all to pull a cart
Or create a single work of art
Collaborate, each take a part
How soon would this work be done?

Yet this is no simple task
A complex and frustrating ask
The bottleneck atop our flask:
At the top, there can only be one.

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Truly obscure and abominable puns await the unwary. Confusion is assured.
Let it suffice to say that, short on material, I used Github as inspiration …

Douglas and the Shovel

Servers struggle and survive
Plugins work and players thrive
By the legacy of Spigot

Sponge has shown the reason why
Through recent pulls in the API
We can really Dig it.

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It may be apparent to the scrupulous observer that I have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about.
These very sentences are an excellent example.

One Disclaimer To Rule Them All

When there are licenses you’re infrigin’
It won’t matter if you’re chief or indian
Administering MIT
Will set your works free
All Hail Prime Minister Sponge Engine

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I tip my hat to boformer, who wrote an of an amusing parody API called Unicorn.
Here I present an elucidation and extrapolation in rhyming verse, with apologies

Friendship is a Unicorn

Perfection itself has been revealed
The MC-API to rule the field
UNICORN will do ALL The Things!
Where the only bugs have Butterfly Wings
More than squares will grace your palette
Triangles construct all the things you can get
Who needs gravity, or physical laws
Bend light round corners and even through doors
Infinite view distance, infinite height
Colours in IR and UV are way out of sight
But wait! There’s more, it dusts your floors
Does your washing and other small chores
It squares the circle and un-curdles milk
Turns all your pyjamas into pure silk
This magical interface is sure to endear
So put up your feet and let it serve beer.

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Once in a while we really need something totally abstruse.

The Great Tinker

There once was a tinker in the depths of the world
Arranging the minerals into new patterns
Whilst great lakes were sunk and vast mountains hurled
Beneath the sun-cube’s eternal lantern

Where he lurks now, the Void only knows
His legacy lingers within cavernous halls
Forgotten deep places where no traveler goes
Speak ancient secrets from glyph-inscribed walls

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A modest proposal for a Drinking Song for Sponge

The Loneliness of the Long Distance Sponge

A toast to all the devs for the countless mods and plugins I’ve deployed
Another for those who maketh the APIs and servers I’ve enjoyed
Drink again to the new Sponge crew and the blank slate they hold in their hands
Then raise a mug to the texture artists whose magic remakes familiar lands
Cheers to the happy builders and crafters who make metropolis of terra nova
One more for the Mojangstas past and present, and probably then fall over

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Upon defeating the alpha Goannasaurus, they all had ice-cream.
There may be a subtle and barely-detectable subtext in this latest episode.

Sponge: The Epic - Part 6.522

Heroes lost in the madding crowd,
The party goes astray
Too many voices overly loud
They can barely find their way

We must invoke the powers of old
To keep this strange ship steady
Overlords of Sponge, be true and bold
Just make the f***ing Wiki, already

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Excuse the hiatus, and somber tone. My 18 year old cat Arioch has gone away :frowning:

I Miss Them All

Cats walk through our lives
Upstaging trivial wants
In their short time here

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My deepest condolences to you sir. The death of your cat must be most tragic indeed. :frowning:

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Having played MC since alpha, it always struck me that some aspects of the game seemed a bit cheap. As if they were just tests, place-holders, awaiting an upgrade to more meaningful content. Yet many of them are still with us today. Sponge is a good example, finally having a use at last. Here I wax lyrical on this observation

Placeholders

Nothing more beyond the horizon
Infinitely possible quantum foam
Background blue to lay your eyes on
Not a single word in any Tome

Simple marionettes stiffly strut
Standing in for what could have been
Immutable bedrock below the cut
To keep the yawning void unseen

Roaming in the wilds wide-eyed
New becomes rare and aims fewer
Onward to the End you may ride
Ensnared in monotone overture

The hope of new wonders recedes
With every step into the realm
Scant information feeds the seeds
To immerse, absorb, overwhelm

Always lingering the suspicion
On Ancient maps with edges curled
Are there secrets in this vision
Hidden past the edge of the world?

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Playing Minecraft is like Sailing an Iceberg. Or is it Sailing an Iceberg is like Playing Minecraft …
It was something about icebergs, anyway. In the meantime, something else:

Waiting for Sponge

Hark: the Moderator declares
Sponge API expected in November
With such a brief gestation
This will be a birthday to remember

Gleeful parents may lie exhausted
Yet the task they cannot abandon
One vast update will still beckon
As Sponge needs Forge to stand on

We stand in awe and expectation of
The Dedication of Forge’s LexManos
We wonder how it is possible that
He hasn’t utterly gone bananas.

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Take Heart, brave Adventurers of the Sponge Realm. Know that you can mix it with the best
There was an old lady who had a boot, but that’s another story. Here’s this one:

Sponge: The Epic - Part 9.108
Complex work in a crowded corridor
Delicate adjustments and fixin’
Deep shadows set upon the cobble floor
As Mumfrey and Z begin Mixin

Artemis awaits in the antechamber
For the ECS build to begin
Have a valiant hack and never look back
There’s always a Derp in Underpin

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This may or may not be correct form for Haiku, depending upon your choice of pronunciation, as the following demonstrates

Do you speak Alphaghetti?

Another Haiku
Pondering how to pronounce
sk89q

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This message brought to you by the makers of FLARD - the new Wonder-Product!!
No whales or cetacean by-products are used in the manufacture of Flard

Sponge: The Epic - Part 10.999

Enter the quagmire of the Unofficial
All is permitted and nothing approved
Things temporary and superficial
Parts of the landscape abruptly removed

Somewhere deep in the miasma
The Heroes of Sponge stay afloat
This would all be reduced to plasma
If Sponge were devoured by SpaceGoat.

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My Lyrical interpretation of something that virtually happened, more or less
Also brought to you by Wondrous FLARD, now environmentally friendly

20.00 Blocks under the Sea, Reprise

Bulkheads suddenly broken
Torrents flooded the place
Torches quenched to darkness
Then squid start fondling my face

Stuck in Davey Jones’ Locker
To Submarine depths I plunge
This may have been forestalled
If I had built the deck of Sponge

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