Once in a while we really need something totally abstruse.
The Great Tinker
There once was a tinker in the depths of the world
Arranging the minerals into new patterns
Whilst great lakes were sunk and vast mountains hurled
Beneath the sun-cube’s eternal lantern
Where he lurks now, the Void only knows
His legacy lingers within cavernous halls
Forgotten deep places where no traveler goes
Speak ancient secrets from glyph-inscribed walls
A toast to all the devs for the countless mods and plugins I’ve deployed
Another for those who maketh the APIs and servers I’ve enjoyed
Drink again to the new Sponge crew and the blank slate they hold in their hands
Then raise a mug to the texture artists whose magic remakes familiar lands
Cheers to the happy builders and crafters who make metropolis of terra nova
One more for the Mojangstas past and present, and probably then fall over
Having played MC since alpha, it always struck me that some aspects of the game seemed a bit cheap. As if they were just tests, place-holders, awaiting an upgrade to more meaningful content. Yet many of them are still with us today. Sponge is a good example, finally having a use at last. Here I wax lyrical on this observation
Placeholders
Nothing more beyond the horizon
Infinitely possible quantum foam
Background blue to lay your eyes on
Not a single word in any Tome
Simple marionettes stiffly strut
Standing in for what could have been
Immutable bedrock below the cut
To keep the yawning void unseen
Roaming in the wilds wide-eyed
New becomes rare and aims fewer
Onward to the End you may ride
Ensnared in monotone overture
The hope of new wonders recedes
With every step into the realm
Scant information feeds the seeds
To immerse, absorb, overwhelm
Always lingering the suspicion
On Ancient maps with edges curled
Are there secrets in this vision
Hidden past the edge of the world?
Playing Minecraft is like Sailing an Iceberg. Or is it Sailing an Iceberg is like Playing Minecraft … It was something about icebergs, anyway. In the meantime, something else:
Waiting for Sponge
Hark: the Moderator declares
Sponge API expected in November
With such a brief gestation
This will be a birthday to remember
Gleeful parents may lie exhausted
Yet the task they cannot abandon
One vast update will still beckon
As Sponge needs Forge to stand on
We stand in awe and expectation of
The Dedication of Forge’s LexManos
We wonder how it is possible that
He hasn’t utterly gone bananas.
Take Heart, brave Adventurers of the Sponge Realm. Know that you can mix it with the best There was an old lady who had a boot, but that’s another story. Here’s this one:
Sponge: The Epic - Part 9.108
Complex work in a crowded corridor
Delicate adjustments and fixin’
Deep shadows set upon the cobble floor
As Mumfrey and Z begin Mixin
Artemis awaits in the antechamber
For the ECS build to begin
Have a valiant hack and never look back
There’s always a Derp in Underpin
To properly simulate the correct state of being for an enhanced poetic experience, extend your arms outward, palms facing downward, and intone “brrrmmmmmmmmmmm”
Flight of the Sponge
Flying over the poriferan realms
Suspension of disbelief holds me aloft
One compensation in these barrens
If I fall, the landing will be soft
What is your response to the allegations that FLARD has been responsible for the spontaneous combustion of thousands of people? And the fact that whale populations seem to decrease proportionally to the increased usage of FLARD?
The Mad Scientists of Yggdrasyl Laboratories, Creators of FLARD, have prepared this statement I have transcribed it from the original beer mat and translated it through cantonese and swahili
FLARD: It’s Time To Say …
Dance and Twirl and Frolic
Drink like you’re an alcoholic
FLARD has come to a town near you!
Cheer and Leap and Cavort
YggLabs have come to Exhort
FLARD lets you see the world anew!
Despite rumours and Tales
FLARD is NOT made from Whales
This Caveat to all of our Fans:
FLARD is made in a facility that shares the ability To process blubber into cans
If prepared by amateurs
With unwise parameters
FLARD may suddenly burst into flame
Time for a Change of Pace: Sponge Surf Rock. EDIT: Please note that this is not an instruction manual
Spammin’ in the IRC
Information wants to be free
DMCA means nothin’ to me
Send Lawyers Sponge and Money
Then where should we all be?
Spammin’ in the IRC, Spammin’ in the IRC
Making conversation Hard
Distractions from an insane Bard
Intensive marketing of FLARD
Moderator holds up the Red Card
Spammin’ in the IRC, Spammin’ in the IRC
Accidental flooding inundation
Bizarre nicks in high rotation
Weirdness in high concentration
The power of silly gravitation
Spammin’ in the IRC, Spammin’ in the IRC
Set us free, unvoice the cacophony
Use the panel, create another channel!
Whatever could a newcomer think
Topics change in a single blink
Sensible queries lifelessly sink
Just give then a knowing wink
Spammin’ in the IRC, Spammin’ in the IRC
Terraforming is such a delicate art. Except at the start, that can get pretty exciting.
Slartibartfast’s Lament
I was building a mountain range last night
Smoothing the knobbly newborn slopes
Unclimbable cliffs to dash all hopes
Then a few patches of gravel out of spite
A single stone block is the smallest brush
Larger tools have duller senses
Magnifying their consequences
Quickly turning fine detail into mush
With all the world and its tools explored
I will labour under no illusion
Finally I come to this conclusion
There’s no easy way to make yourself a Fjord
Thanks to WorldEdit, VoxelSniper, Terrain Control, WorldPainter, Climate Control, and more…