Bardic Extrapolation (Rime of the Ancient Sponge)


Upvote, Spongineers! Upvote! Lend us your appendages! I shall grant thee :koala:

Taxidermise Taxonomy

A Horse is not a Llama
Classification: drama
Watch as the confusion escalates

The distinction is vivid
In Equine versus Camelid
Even though both are Ungulates

The Llama is not a Horse
Cloven hoofed of course
But an even-toed Artiodactyla

Odd-toed Perissodactylae
Horses and Rhinos of today
Include the Unicorn most spectacular


Is there too much FLARD in your flowerpot?
Yggdrasyl Laboratories’ experimental deFLARDification service may be for you!

Legs Eleven

Sponge 1.11 is here
So raise up a cheer
To the marvellous poriferan creatures

Cometh and getteth it
Re-examine the the epithet
That bugs can be thought of as features


Modded Minecraft sometimes puts you in the odd situation of actually looking forward to to jumping into a dark chasm infested with giant scorpions and crocodiles.

Putting Things on Top of Other Things

A stack of villagers with a sheep on top
Went limbo dancing into Lothlorien
A collision with a treehouse made them drop
Will the high elves let a sheep get in?

A boat on a squid is a mini-submarine
Boats mounted on bats can be flying cars
A bat-boat with Withers is a killing machine
But (Boats in Boats) recursion probably goes too far


We thank you for your interest in these words and sentences.
Interested patrons are invited to read them again at their leisure.


The Season of FLARD happens throughout the year
For we seize upon every advertising opportunity
Making many mysterious announcements appear
Thus the chance of an encounter approaches unity

A portal looks out from this sea of stupefaction
Riding their bandwagon right off the rails
Our product providing a welcome distraction
From unending inundation by seasonal sales

Brand every cup, saucer, flagpole and beast
Let everyone encounter its green-ish magnificence
Complimentary FLARD samples accompany each feast
Installations in shopping malls makes super sense

The mission: to spread love of FLARD everywhere
Mystical, unpredictable, immune to greed
So give of the FLARD and let them know you care
Satisfaction not necessarily quite guaranteed


Some observations from a recent visit to South Australia, in verse of course

The Monster of Burra

I found an empty minecart
Outside a barren mine
Lying at the heart
Of a region soaked in wine

Tools were long abandoned
The ore was spent and gone
Brewing the new standard
For the southland to be won


The Middle is Nigh

Sponge: The Epic - Part 50.193

Adventurers unfurl Spongie’s banner
In Minecraft Forum’s modding mall
Despite the deftly placed spanner
Of the 1.11 update to install

Yet the irresistable lure
Of easy rocket powered flight
Has complicated things for sure
For 1.11.2 has entered the fight


Please don your special helmet for the following exercise

Burning Sky

Herman was a drama llama
Who dwelt in a darkened dell
His only friend a simple farmer
Who had few tales to tell

The day he first espied the sun
Fiery sky he could not understand
It filled him with the urge to run
Before it set fire to the land

On advice of the farmer, his only guide
β€œWater protects from fire”, he said
These days Herman feels safer outside
Wearing a bucket on top of his head


The manufacturers of FLARD wish you a Happy New Year,
from deep within their hidden FLARD-proof bunker…

Average Annual Advice

The year ticks over on the calendar
Calculated celebrations proliferate
A sequence inundated with memories
Causing some to ask: Is it to late?

Can our daily deeds be clearly measured
By the passage of the world around the Sun?
Will our complex aims and needs be treasured
In a calculus yielding only zero or one?

Some will merely plant and sow rice
When planting trees is within reach
The culmination of this ancient advice:
The very best we can do is to teach


The heaviest element yet discovered has been named Og.
Og very happy.

Not Nagging, But…

Comment on the issue if you have useful stuff to say,
Even if realisation is many months away
SpongeDocs needs all the contributions they can get
Every little helps to make it even better yet


Does a perfect circle have an infinite number of corners?

The Rime of History

Broken fragments and permutations
Of antique legends can create
In kaleidoscopic combinations
Our image of the present state

History does not repeat itself
Yet curiously it will often rhyme
Echoing patterns dealing by stealth
Something similar some of the time

Though the claim may be ambitious
It’s said the consequences are this
Deconstructionism need not push us
Into that hazy and skeptical abyss

(with thanks to JA Wittreich, JR Colombo and Samuel Clemens)


SpongeOS, an operating system for running a sponge server – simon816
Sponge-Os, a spongy breakfast cereal – Me4502

Incitement to Knit

We need to move this party on
Right now everyone’s just sitting
Let’s start a Spongie-Plushie-Thon
So, Spongineers, get knitting!


We are all Very Nice. If you are not Nice you will be Assimilated or Eliminated. Have a Nice Day.

The Story Of

In the beginning it started
In a fanfare of procrastination
Scarcely had they departed
On their road to destination

All at once, nothing happened
Like the rattle of an empty can
The future one cannot forfend
It was all over before it began


WARNING: unknown document: debiggung – Travis, sadly lacking in poetic license

Not Quite the Ballad of the Tay Bridge Disaster

Left here with not much to say
Like the bridge o’er the river Tay
Half unconstructed
Development subducted
Only rhymes to explain the delay

The storms of progress beset
This tiny narrative epithet
As Ore’s development
Is set in the firmament
But it’s nae quite ready just yet


On the third leg of the journey across the wastes, we found ourselves one shoe short.
– The Misadventures of Admiral Gleph, Volume XVII

Fencing with a Licence

In defiance of common sense
SpongeDocs lacks a license
Eroding independence
This consequence frightens
So our reaction tightens
Docs sphere of influence
With all due diligence
Maintaining the reference
Defining new extents
In pursuit of excellence


Montserrat ate too many cookies over Xmas and developed bad kerning due to bloat.
The new Sponge font shall be Wing-Dings!

Wing Dings, Yum!

:sagittarius:β™™:scorpius:β™ž:pisces::libra: :sagittarius:β™–:scorpius:♝:aquarius: :pisces:♝ β™žβ™™β™œβ™˜ :cancer::heart::cancer::clubs:
:leo:β™™β™˜:scorpius:♝ :cancer:β™œ:scorpius: :leo:β™œβ™™β™•:scorpius:β™˜ :leo::clubs: :leo::pisces:β™œ:libra:♝
β™ž:aquarius::scorpius: β™–:cancer:β™β™ž β™š:chess_pawn:β™˜-β™—:cancer:β™•:scorpius:β™œ β™žβ™™:libra::cancer::clubs:
:aquarius::cancer:♝ ♝:cancer::pisces::libra: β™ž:aquarius::scorpius::pisces:β™œ :sagittarius::pisces:β™˜:cancer:β™– :heart:β™™β™œ:libra:♝

:spades::chess_pawn:β™–β™ž:chess_pawn:β™œ:scorpius:♝ β™˜:scorpius::spades::scorpius:β™œ β™œ:scorpius:β™β™ž :heart::aquarius::scorpius:β™˜ β™ž:aquarius::scorpius:
:libra::scorpius::spades::scorpius:β™–β™™β™š:scorpius:β™œβ™ :cancer:β™œ:scorpius: β™β™ž:pisces:β™–β™– :cancer:β™ž β™–:cancer:β™œ:capricorn::scorpius:
:pisces:β™˜ :libra::scorpius::sagittarius::pisces::cancer:β™˜:virgo::scorpius: β™™:sagittarius: β™ž:aquarius::scorpius::pisces:β™œ :libra::scorpius:β™β™ž:pisces:β™˜:clubs:
:cancer:♝ ♝♛:chess_pawn::scorpius::cancer:β™—:pisces:♝:aquarius: ♙♝♝:pisces::sagittarius:β™œ:cancer::capricorn::scorpius:


[details=For the lazy]FOETID FLESH IS TORN AWAY



Most of the spam is pretty good. I got several million dollars from various emails – minecrell

Incidental Dents

We’re breaking things to make things
Pre-distressed for added value
Although change brings painful stings
It gives us new stuff to tell you


I wasn’t able to decode it. Maybe it’s my browser.


Thats because its not wingdings, but a makeshift wingdings made by lurking in a dark corner and abducting passing unicode code points. I copied the whole poem into notepad++, tried to find substitutions for vowels. Targeted three-letter words to find out if they were β€œthe”. Found β€œthe”, then I found β€œtheir”. It went smooth from there.


Monsterrat: The font that eats away at other fonts

Decode Unicode

Things we can write with Unicode
Extend vocabulary exponentially
It could make your browser explode
Or even be comprehensible… eventually.