Bardic Extrapolation (Rime of the Ancient Sponge)


Three out of every four people are part of the 75%.

Food on the Run

Sandwiches on the hoof
A special breeder’s perk
But I can’t show you proof
The dog ate my homework


“sum ppl r old n there 20s” – Plato

Sponge: The Epic - Part 59.981

Scrambling around to make the repairs
Staff are re-stabilising "Stable"
SPAM has subsumed the Spongineers
Abundant forks set on the table

We try to master the art of testing
By overloading everything
With quirks of mods that need besting
Until Spongeforge is heaving

Enjoying avocados by the acid pool
As the trash panda paddles in panic
Smashing walls with a magical tool
We use and abuse every mechanic

Launching inter-dimensional sheep
In catastrophic Stargate mishaps
We caught several Sponge bugs to keep
And dumped garbage all over the maps

It can be something like a holiday
Inside a psychedelic vortex
Pity the issue wranglers I say
Who must filter the bugs via their cortex


"I love procrastinating!" -- mbaxter

Esteemed Assistants

There was a nice chap from utopia
Who presented a cornucopia
Of translated pages
By Google’s great sages
Bringing dyslexia to dystopia


Let's just classify breaking code: Is it a feature? -- dualspiral

Growing and Flowing

Are developers
The sap that flows in between
The roots and branches?


“Honestly, if it doesn’t have wriggling tentacles and is twice the size of the player, you’ll always find someone who’ll just walk up to it and poke it with a stick until it does something” – Codebracker

Dark Stars

The stars are still there
Even if you can’t see them
They’re dancing forever
To a different rhythm
Behind darkness’s door
They burn on infernally
In the hallowed halls of Ore
They stay pinned eternally


Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea - massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it. -- Spaf

Do Not Press

Somewhere in the code entrails
There lay a secret function
Something like an ace of fails
A purpose-built dysfunction

This inadvertent discovery
With benefit of hindsight
Queued a remarkable recovery
Just prior to the limelight

Taming this crafty creature
May not really be so hard
Malfunctions future feature:
All files will be FLARD


To cut up a changelog you will require a changesaw

Bridge Too Far

Striving through thick and thin
Makes Spongie what she is today
Somewhat less calamitous than
The bridge across the river Tay


Who is this FaithChai guy? -- Faithcaio

In Consistence

An enterprising fellow named Gödel
Vaulted a mathematical hurdle
With a logical feat
He proved incomplete
The axioms that once were so fertile


This quote is often falsely attributed to Mark Twain. – Mark Twain

Tale of a Tail

Wee creature mousie
Grasp thy tail to my surprise
Fly like a balloon


BUG: mixinTeleporter is null when a chicken enters the nether portal #1834

Infinite Doors*

The stars are asleep behind the veil
Shadowed plains roll away at all sides
An ashen world with a thousand brides
The end of all things, entropy’s pail

Who made the meandering pathways leading there?
The tenuous grasp of reality transcended
Interleaved dimensions gracefully ascended
As the eye of the monolith continues to stare

Ancient walls hold back a slumbering nightmare
Secret doors created between the spaces
Cracks in the walls to more forbidden places
Widening as wanderers search in despair

Thou may yet witness the abyssal wrath
When on your travels in far distant halls
From a curious doorway a soft murmur calls:
Enter the labyrinth, seek your own path

*[Acknowledgements to the Dimensional Doors Mod Team, past & present]


Is a flashmob stomping tomatoes really crowdsaucing?

Programmers Mantra #31

Your Repo is abomination
The contributions sucked
Concluding in frustration
This code is totally
Fine is the distinction
Between a perfect fit
And the definition
Complicated piece of
Science, or is it Art
Only time will tell
Let them tease the two apart
As this code goes straight to


When two pigeons collide, it's a coup. -- worm424

For Want of a Gluon

Alone in the dark
The lost quantum duck invokes
The first words: quark quark


“If you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?” …
I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.
– Charles Babbage

Sponge: The Epic - Part 60.230

Builds have passed 3000
Of this ever-changing boat
Our developers at wit’s end
To keep the ship afloat

Ingenious modders keep making
More content and contention
Creating new ways of breaking
Sponge API’s intervention

But there is some consolation
On April 28th we come clean
There will be cause for celebration
At the State of Sponge Sixteen


Here is my advice: never follow my advice. – Mephisto

The Ode of the Guarded Fox

I missed a spot
Why are there so many changes what did i do to deserve this…?
I honestly have no idea what i did but a lot of things got renamed or something.
I’m not sure what all has been done. But here. Have some code. There’s a lot of changes… I think
More changes and stuff.
More Changes.
Oh my god I almost lost all of these changes
More things!!! :DDD
Lots of changes. wheeeeeeeeeee
So many changes.

(gratuitously plagiarised from the changelog of FoxGuard-Sponge PR#99)


worm424: So I got a new keyboard
Inscrutable: the letters look just like your old one

Continuum Hype or Thesis

Infinitely divisible
Literally invisible
The singular dimensions of a line

The point of existence
Disappears in the distance
As divisions get arbitrarily fine

Yet no matter how dissected
Each segment disconnected
May be so subdivided endlessly

Each fragment of measure
Is an infinite treasure
That should never be squandered carelessly


Zidane: fixed an issue where dying by lava would mean you were the root cause
gabizou: damned player walking into lava! it’s not the lava’s fault!

Modern Miner General

In the infinite environment your needs are met by crafting
Raw materials are obtained by punching and mine-shafting
Travel may be accelerated by horses, carts and rafting
And the terrain is charted carefully by cartographic drafting

When wandering the land you may study it’s topology
There is much to learn about in this bizarre ecology
Weird red cows a double deal, zoology and mycology
Creep up on a creeper and try out some phrenology

You can occupy yourself with vegetative cultivation
Or by engaging in predation to help stave off starvation
Discovering that sustenation must suit the situation
As you dine on rotten flesh in a final act of desperation


it's a stable hack don't worry, plus i am putting in safteys -- Snowie (d4rk)

Privateer, Spongineer

Row! Row Hard!
We bring the joy of FLARD!
Hear! The word!
This tale told by the Bard

Pull! Then Row!
On a journey we shall go
Seek! Below!
There’s treasure don’t you know?

Fight! and Leap!
Vast creatures of the deep
Loot! To keep!
For survivors of the heap

Drink! Debate!
At the tavern celebrate
In the State
Of Cap’n Spongie (2 x 8)


private static final int MAX_DEATH_EVENTS_BEFORE_WE_GIVE_UP = 3 - 1; // you get two attempts!

Unboxing Sponge

Instructions belong on the box
For many desperately need them
Such is the joy of writing docs
If only folks would read them


when i look at my the eldritch horror that is my code
i swear it looks back at me – gravityfox

One Less Than Binary

A simple rubric
For resolving enquiries
The answer is no


Optic Profunctor Tricontravariant Instantiation Error: Third Eye Not Found

Riddle of the River

Mere mist gives way to rain
Mud a minor impediment
Captured in nooks of terrain
Subtly shifting the sediment

We often redirect the flow
By drain, canal and culvert
Harnessed by humans to show
Natural forces we subvert

Technology has it’s limits
The weather calls our hubris
At the limit of our wits
We cannot control all this

Cascades coalesce together
The torrent’s power is shown
The riddle of the river:
Water is stronger than stone